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We can find a corner of time for us to fill in the empty space. We can build a little secret place for you and I. Each day we could find time for each other, maybe hours of intimacy, maybe just a quite note. But we will be there for each other, and we will be better able to keep up our individual lives because of it. Now, can you find me? Or, can I find you? I doubt she "hates" that you get to work out during the day, I think she probably resents that you get 90 minutes of recreational personal time built into your work day when she does not.
I know you're trying to help, but when you offer her a gym membership you are showing her that what you hear her say is "I want to work out too," when what she is really saying is "I want 90 minutes to myself every day too. I think CorpseBride made an excellent point about minimizing her complaints by offering quick solutions.
She sounds frustrated and depressed, I think maybe she wants a little understanding from you instead of "solutions. That's a bit of a touchy situation, but I think you can work around it. Personally I like to come home and unwind by sitting on the couch and watching crappy TV for a few hours too.
When my boyfriend comes over while I'm doing that he gets annoyed because I'm not paying much attention to him, so I've told him he should just come over after after I've had my quiet solitude and decompression time. But of course, I prefer to do that alone while your wife prefers you do it with her.
If she doesn't want you to leave her side while she decompresses but doesn't want you to talk to her either I think you have a right to ask for a compromise. Maybe during your "our time" you can relax with her a little but get up during the commercials to wash dishes, check on the, clear the table, pop in some laundry, etc. You can just say "Let me just straighten this up a sec hon, I'll be right back, do you want anything from the kitchen while I'm up? For now I'd focus on taking a few small steps to help her feel more comfortable and get to a place where she can focus on her needs and the two of you can communicate more effectively.
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